I’ve had headaches almost every day for a few weeks now. Part of it I hope is pressure from the weather or allergies. I don’t have any other symptoms. The annoying thing is that it automatically goes away when I eat. Or, if I drink something with sweetener. So the reverse of it is, headaches are giving me food cravings.I put a great deal of emphasis on balance in my life. I am not interested in overcommitting. It applies to everything, not just social expectations. I will not complicate things just because I think the bustle will make me happier. I am always flabbergasted by people who have complicated lives. Take for instance, who people, who both work, are financially strapped, overcommitted with kid’s activities and have a messy household. Their lives are an insane
rush, where they stay up until late at night, fussing over huge bills and angry about being overweight, poor, busy and tired. Then, those people decide to get a puppy. And I think, “WTF?” Your life, by your own admission is out of control. Yet, you decide to complicate it further.

It’s that swirl of craziness that makes me run away. Another  example would be people who buy too much house. They can’t keep up with cleaning it. They can’t afford the payments. They can’t furnish it properly. They can’t maintain it. So, the home falls into complete disarray, losing value and looking terrible. They become enslaved to the problem, instead of enjoying a manageable property. Or people with out of control preteens, who barely pay attention to the outbursts of rebellion. They can’t be bothered to attend any events or discipline these young people who so need them. As the kids become more resentful, the parents just alienate themselves. Then, they decide they’d like to have another baby. Because babies are fun and easy. It will be years before you notice that you screwed up at parenting, once again, and created an angry brat. By that time, your teenage children will be caring for the kid anyways.

Or the people who think they need a new car but they can barely afford their current one. Or the people who select a new hobby, when they’re at risk for being fired from slacking at work.

If you haven’t noticed, I vent a lot on here. What bothers me most is that people criticize my peaceful style of living. I’m content with my simplicity while they are a hot mess. Yet, I’m the one who is subjected to a diatribe about how I should do more, own more and be more.

An article on Mint.com, (http://www.mint.com/blog/trends/married-separate-accounts-04292011/)
peeked my interest because I have evolving opinions on the topic. I can only
speak anecdotally based off of my own personal experience. The article, which I
assumed would suggest arbitrarily joining accounts, per most financial advice I
receive, actually affirmed my current decision to maintain separate accounts.
The article states, “If one partner has poor credit
or is paying down debt. Few people enter marriage without at least a little
financial baggage, but if one partner has serious black marks on his
record—bankruptcy, foreclosure, overdue student loans—it is wiser to make
payments from a personal checking account.” This is exactly what we had to
confront when we got married.

I had been very careful and my
husband wasn’t even sure what debts he had in his name. Some of this was
complicated by my FIL’s negligence (a kinder word than what I really mean, dishonesty),
and some of it was the product of bad financial advice. One this was clear, my
husband did not even understand the basic aspects of money. He had a checking
account, with no savings and massive debt. Money would go in when he made it
and it would gush out into whatever he wanted.

My biggest regret with getting
married when we did is that my husband never completely lived on his own. At
the time, it would have seemed silly to have him move out and support himself
for a period of time without roommates, parents and outside influences. Now I
realize that he would have greatly benefitted from working and paying his own
bills. He could have learned how to actually manage money. Seriously, some of
the exercizes we’ve done in the course of our marriage are ideas I pulled from
parenting magazines on how to teach kids responsibility. I don’t mean for that
to sound demeaning, rather, I was lost as to how to show him how finances work
on the simplest level.

When we married, I realized I had
to completely limit his access. He agreed and handed over everything. His bank
statements had been a maze, each month they were about ten sheets of paper
because he had that many small pointless transactions. We set the goal of
keeping his transactions to one page for the monthly statement. That meant he
could really only buy gas on his card. And it had to be planned and budgeted
because he wasn’t carrying it on his person.

So, his account was simple. Buy gas
on a budget. Anything left would go into his newly created savings account. He
wasn’t allowed to withdraw savings. After a period of time (kind of like an
addict) he no longer spent money on impulse. It was a thought process. So, we
started dividing up the bills between our accounts so he could learn to
remember deadlines. We started with the internet bill. Each month, he paid the
internet and bought gas. Gradually, we started merging the use for the
accounts, and added allowances.

He now understands the value of
keeping finances clear and tracking what was spent. Mint.com helps us keep
separate accounts while using money together. Since I make more, more bills
come out of mine. We get the same amount of personal money, though. Any
purchase is discussed before it is made. Usually, we shop together. If one of
us is going alone, we discuss what we think is reasonable for the purchase. We
do a lot of buying research together as well.

After paying off a car together,
and greatly reducing his student loans, we’ve learned to discuss money without
getting personal. There are some imbalances but, mostly, the division seems
fair. We have to compromise. I let him get 2 lunches out per week with friends
but, I haven’t let him buy a massive flat screen. He lets me buy new clothes
but, we’re waiting for the loan to be paid off before decorating the apartment.

Below are a few basic points that keep us sane.

- We talk about everything

- We don’t make assumptions about the other person’s opinion

- It’s not personal or a reflection on character

- Experiences are more important than things

- I love him

Have you found a balance concerning money in your relationship?

I’ve been trying to resign myself to the fact that eating healthy and consuming mostly raw, fresh foods means that I have to get groceries at least once a week. I can space it out a little by purchasing a few things that are under-ripe so that they will be ready for the weekend. Mostly, it’s a process that takes a lot of time and energy. I really shouldn’t complain, though. My husband is more than willing to do the bulk of the shopping. He likes an excuse to go out and he loves spending money… even if it’s for boring necessities. This works to my  advantage. It fulfills his shopping compulsion and helps with the chores.

Still it’s a beast to keep up with packing the lunch every day, planning all those meals … especially since he and I are eating very differently.

I wish my hair would grow longer, faster. It’s about 2 inches on my shoulders but, I feel like the profile isn’t what I want it to be. I want it to be a little longer, thus, heaver so that it will actually hang on my shoulders. Right now, it flips up, 60s style on the ends. I flat-iron it to make it feel longer in the meantime. I made the mistake of cutting my bangs again. I don’t like the way I look without them, but, I’m tired of their presense. They’re a terrible mess to grow out.

Right now, I have dyed my ashy-blonde hair a very dark brown. I like the contrast but, I’m shocked that it won’t fade. I expected it to fade like most dye does in my hair. It hasn’t faded at all. So, the roots are a huge contrast. I had kind of counted on dying it a medium color for summer when it faded. Not sure what to think at this point.

Part of me is considering bleaching it, then dying it with a toner. I am worried though, because I’ve never lifted dyed hair before. I’ve only taken color off of virgin hair or roots. I wonder if mixing bleach with dyed-brown hair will turn it all orange. So, in essense,
I’m considering adding highlights underneath at first to test and see how the colors look together.  Basically, I just want to lighten it a few shades without it turning brassy. Yes, I’m trying to do the impossible at home.